And it’s natural – the human mind studies patterns – compares self to said pattern – decides whether we belong already, don’t, or would like to belong, and then associates a positive or negative weighting to said pattern. Then the human mind goes ahead and make said cataloging vocal in an album of personally defined stereotypes.
I do this a lot. In fact, when I initially came here, I would find myself expecting people to meet the stereotypical expectations that Hollywood had paved in my head.
And others too follow the same thing to at least some degree. A special friend in fact imagines that all the sex that goes on in bedrooms here very closely resembles all the porn that Americans make. While I have no argument to flout that claim, it seems difficult for me to digest or accept this can be true for the greater majority.
But this is not about that. This post is about what a small visit from one of J’s friends led to. She was visiting us from India, and was prone to making similar stereotypical cultural observations in her really high-pitched voice in her attempt to digest her environs. Very often, her observations would not have passed the PC test, and equally often, to avoid incurring the wrath of bystanders in public places such as bars and sidewalks, we had to shush her. After all, this country invented the term politically (in)correct ( and all the things that belong in either category). On one occasion after a short spell of sporadic labeling, she turned around and asked -
” They must have names for us Indians too right? Like stereotypical names/associations/etc? What kind of jokes do they make about Indians?”
Back then I didn’t have enough to go on – but K darling – I have found an answer to that question now – or at least a part thereof:
- Dots – not feathers. There are two types of Indians in America: Native and Hindustaani Indians. However, colloquially within friendly circles, in racist cliques, or publicly in drunken company- the terms Dots or Feathers are used instead to differentiate between the two variants. Some Americans who think you can take a joke in your stride will even ask you “Oh you’re Indian! Dots (pointing to the bindi point) or feathers (wrist to the forehead, fingers pointed straight out forward, and the thumb curling backward to rest on the forehead pointing to the sky)? To which, a befitting response, which while testing the boundaries of political correctness also determines to some extent your own coolness quotient, is “Dots – not feathers”.
- Why do we run gas stations and liquor stores?
All Americans that I have grown close to – ask me this – in all earnestness? Why do Indians run all the gas stations and liquor stores around here? Is it a profession of choice? Well this is true in North California to an amazing degree. The number of times I have encountered an American at a gas station here – I can count on my fingers and – even easily forget. It doesn’t happen. Another friend of mine who was slightly better traveled as compared to the other Americans I have met – added the cab driver profession to the list above. And this is true. I hear at least half of all American taxis in the big cities in America are driven by Indians.
- Indians cook smelly food.
This is true. 99% of the Indian homes you will visit will smell of Sambar or Garam Masala. And most Americans dread that. It’s not like their cooking doesn’t smell- or that they don’t like curry. They just don’t want people and houses to smell of it. Let’s just say the aromas that remind them of mommy’s kitchen are way subtle.
- Accents Most informed people here would know that we speak British English – and not American English. But here’s the thing, according to them WE have an accent – which we do – the Indian accent. For us – THEY have an accent – which they do – the American one. We all live comfortably in the knowledge that we’ll never sound the same. Occasional discomfort surfaces when you don’t qualify the accent accusation. In California at least, if you went up to them and said, I am sorry I don’t follow your accent – you’re likely to get “*I* don’t have an accent, YOU do. ” To which, my response is – “Well to me – YOU have an American accent – and the Brits have a British accent. I can imagine you would think that I have an Indian accent – I understand!”
Sometimes they are stumped by that response. Sometimes – they are in their “matter of fact” way accepting of that piece of information.
- Hollywood Accent No matter HOW clean or clipped your Indian accent – to an American it sounds like Kumar’s father. Remember the gay doctor from Kumar and Harold? To me it sounds weird because I have only heard that particular Indian accent in American films. Never in India. Because I have never run into an Indian who spoke with the words sounding like a Punjabi mouth made them and then with intonations from the deep south coffee estates of India? So anyways – when they mimic us – they use the same accent.
There is probably more that merits talking about here, but this post just wanted to present the drift of things in this area. Another post sometime in the future – will elaborate on the stereotypical behaviors we displaced Indians invent out here to survive the invasion of foreign perception.
I leave you with a favorite line of one of my friends’ friend that he uses to mimic the guy at the liquor store who says the following after you have paid and are leaving with your purchase “Thank you, come again.”
Americans, never say “come again”. 
